Inevitably, after spending a week wiping 4 noses, I'm sick. Being sick always sucks, but after today it's just freaking unfair.
I spent the morning trying to clean up the magnificent mess that accumulated while I was away most of last week. I realized I felt like crap after I put Eden down for her nap, so I told Skylar to put on a video and laid down on the couch with her. I woke up almost four hours later to find that the baby monitor was unplugged and Eden had been awake and bawling for God only knows how long. I ran upstairs to rescue her and changed her dirty diaper and rinsed it out as per usual. As I headed downstairs I wondered where that running water sound was coming from. Was Skylar playing in the sink? No, there she is on the couch. Then where....? Shit, the bathroom pipe is leaking and water is pouring through the ceiling all over the kitchen floor, the fridge and the stove. I set Eden down in the living room and hopped up on a chair to salvage all the miscellaneous crap that lives on top of the fridge and place bowls under the drips.
While I was thus occupied, Eden climbed up onto the kitchen table and threw a glass down to shatter in the large puddle on the floor. I'm convinced she did this deliberately to get back at me for falling asleep and leaving her trapped in her bed. I probably deserved it. When I heard the crash I spun around and saw Eden's fat little naked pink toes dangling over the shard filled puddle as she prepared to dismount the table. I yelled "NO! Stay there!" and lunged for her. She stayed put. I fell off of my chair. Then I faced the age old conundrum: too wet to sweep it up, too much glass to throw a towel on it, this just sucks.
Then we went to Adam's Dad's birthday party. Nothing spectacularly horrendous happened there, but the ride home was tragic. Normally Adam drives when we're together, but tonight he asked me to because his eyes were sore. So I was driving along all peaceful like,when suddenly there were eyes, and a thump.
Me- OhMyGod! What was that?!
Adam (aka Heartless Country Boy)- Dead.
Me-But what WAS it? Was it already dead before?
Adam- I think it was a rabbit. Looked like it was already on it's back. I'm sure it was already dead.
Me- Are you sure? What if it was a cat? Ooooh I hope it wasn't a cat.
Adam- What are you doing?
Me- We have to go back and see!
Adam- Ah Jeeze. What are you gonna do?
Me- See what it was and make sure it's really dead. And maybe see if it was already dead before.
Adam- And if it's alive?
Me- Take it to a vet!
*silence from Adam as he ponders the prospect of transporting a wounded wild animal towards a hefty vet bill*
Me- OhMyFuckingGod IT'S A CAT!!!
Adam- Well it's clearly dead.
Me- No it's not, it moved!
Adam- No it...aw shit, it did. So now what?
Me- Go see! Go see!!
Adam- Alright, alright. OK, it's alive, but it's not going anywhere.
Me- Well, take it up to the house!
Me- PICK IT UP!
*At this point I will now point out that the cruel jerk did pick up the bloody, squirming kitty with his bare hands and carry it to not one, but 2 farm houses while I sat bawling in the car. I'm sure he thought I'd be happy when he came back and reported that the woman at the second farm thought that it was one of her barn cats and was calling her husband to "see what could be done." He was wrong.*
Me- Who's her husband? Where is he? Can he help it? Is he going to kill it? If it's a barn cat and she's not even sure it's hers, how do we know they'll try to help it? Maybe we should just take it home anyway.
Adam- What are we going to do with a wild cat that likely has broken bones and internal bleeding?
*WTF? Does he not know by now that lying is always the right choice? Seriously, would it have been so hard to say "Yes, it's their cat, and luckily they are veterinary surgeons with their own intensive care unit right there in the barn. They say Fluffy will be right as rain in a couple of days." Even if he WAS actually thinking that the farmer was likely to go over and stomp on the kitty's skull.
Me- I DON'T KNOW!
Then I made Adam drive the rest of the way home while I cried, because I'm pathetic.