Thursday, March 5, 2009

Not the brightest Crayon in the box.


As you have no doubt noticed, my English is fairly lax. I certainly won't claim that this blog has been free from errors when it comes to spelling, punctuation, sentence structure and so on, but here's the thing: I'm doing this for my own personal amusement. It's not like it's my job to teach people to read or anything.

Every month Skylar's Kindergarten teacher sends home a newsletter, and every month the back of my neck scrunches up and my fingers itch to grab a big red pen and correct the hell out of that sumbitch and send it back in to school. I restrain myself because I don't want this person to know what a bitch I am and somehow take it out on my kid, so instead I think I will do some virtual editing. The following are some excerpts from the most recent newsletters. Bear in mind they are being written by a TEACHER not a student, and even though it's a french immersion class, English IS this woman's native tongue. The black will be direct quotations, the red is me.

February

We have enjoyed a wonderful month of January. We had lots of sunny days and studied penguins. Perhaps: January has been a wonderful month. Why the hell are sunny days and penguins in the same sentence? They HAD studied penguins? Maybe leftover penguins from some research facility were shipped in and served to the children at a BBQ on one of those sunny days?

We will be having a card exchange opportunity. That's a cheerful way to trade Valentines. Attached are a simple card template Just one IS attached.

The celebration's will take place on Feb.....celebrations

Anyone who would like to join us is more then welcome! Anyone? Really? Grandparents, cousins, the pedophile down the street? Sure! Anyone is more THAN welcome.

March

Everyday children receive a choice of three healthy items first thing in the morning. The everyday children get a choice, the special ones have to eat whatever they're given.

...the students have been asked to give something up for 24 hours. They have been asked to find a $2.00 sponsor to do so. The sponsor has to give something up? AND pay 2$? What a rip off!

Micheal Mitchell is coming to our school...He is a famous Canadian Musician. This one's not technically incorrect, it's just a lie. If he were really famous she wouldn't have to tell us who he is. Can you name me a Micheal Mitchell song? No, didn't think so.

And last but not least I will copy the entire paragraph under the rather ironic heading "Literacy" Anyone who can spot all the mistakes gets a gold star.

Literacy

The past few months, as we read stories, we would always ask good questions. Questions, help children develop their comprehension skills and strategies. Often, Kindergarten students ask "I wonder..." questions before turning the page. Try this at home when reading stories together. We will be continuing with questions, but also beginning to study visualizing. An more simpler way to explain this concept to young children, is to play a CD story (or read a story without looking at the pictures) and have them create a DVD (or the movie) in their mind. The students have enjoyed comparing their mental pictures as we have started developing this skill.

Take THAT English!

And now for some pictures that have nothing to do with this post but, you know ...cuuuute.




Elmo diaper! Gah! The cuteness, it burrrrrns!

4 comments:

the original alien said...

Wow! Maybe I'll get you to proofread my newsletters before I send them home :P

Erin said...

Those $2 sponsors....are they like $2 hookers? Easy to come by but not worth the payment?

Dominic said...

Just wanted to say: this is the first time I've stumbled across your blog, and I'm impressed!

Thank you for the excellent mix of humor, satire, anger, and love! I'm sure I'll be back!

Momto3LittleFlowers said...

You are hillarious... LMAO

(Anelys from the Diaper Whisperer's blog)